My wife is a vampire…’s true.

Over the years people have repeatedly said how young she looks and how she has no wrinkles and her skin is perfect…well let’s get the facts straight – she is …‘Nosferatu’…

I’m not suggesting she sucks blood from unsuspecting virgins…but she does have a knack of passing on the stress to others in any given situation – this is a skill… a skill which results in prolonging her life and leaving her free of any pressure thus allowing her skin to soften and the wrinkles to disappear…

My theory is that this is where the ‘vampire’ mythology came from? ….Not actual ‘blood sucking’ but the passing on of problems leaving the ‘beast’ to flourish.

Why do women live longer than men ????

ha…’s because they are all vampires.

My mother – a prime example – she allows everybody to run around her, doing her garden, sorting the hedges, picking her up, dropping her off etc etc  A typical comment from mum would be…. ‘oooo dear, I’ve had  a delivery of logs on the drive and they need to get into the garage, hmmmm, how can I get this sorted…’ – thus Mike goes round and sorts it out.

We also have office vampires – members of the team who are very good at NOT taking any pressure. They are in work, they are sat at their desks and they do produce work …yet somehow they manage to take no pressure. They leave at 5, they arrive at 9…. and have strict lunches of an hour every day…yet manage all of this with no pressure.

There are also business vampires. These are those companies that don’t come up with any original ideas…EVER…they just wait for the creative types like me to come up with marketing concepts…then they copy them – STRESS FREE

Now as for me –  I am the opposite of a vampire – I just give blood at every opportunity.

I run round after my wife, I run round after my mother, I run round after my children and no matter how many staff I have…the only one who seems run ragged is me?

I just absorb everyone’s problems, I never sleep at night and I just worry about everything and everyone all the time…

All this will of course lead to an early death…but maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel? Maybe if I do pop off due to stress – then just maybe I will come back to earth as a vampire??

Perhaps I could be really lucky and come back to earth as my own wife in some parallel universe, how fantastic would that be??


Mike C



0161 723 2000