Offensive blog – don’t read.

If you’re easily offended don’t read this. In fact, if you’re easily offended I would give this entire blog page a miss completely.

I know I’m on dodgy ground with this one because it’s about gender – so I’m bound to offend somebody.

What’s going on with the younger generation of men? They seem very confused to me. They’ve lost their direction and seem to have lost the ability to do …anything.

Younger women on the other hand seem like they’ve got it all under control. From a staff point of view, give me a young woman any day of the week – motivated, hardworking, punctual, well presented and focused.

Men just seem like they’re unsure about anything. They aren’t supposed to be macho, yet they also aren’t supposed to be toooo soft. They are supposed to be in touch with their feminine side …yet still be able to protect their lady if trouble happens. They are supposed to be understanding of their lady’s requirement for being 100% a one-woman man and yet still be attractive and desirable to their lady’s friends.

Most young men that I come across don’t seem to be able to fight their way out of a paper bag let alone look after their partner in a street brawl after pub closing. They know how to moisturise but not how to disable a drunken six-foot k**b head with a single punch.

Beards are a clue. If the bloke in question has a beard then shaves it off, then grows it again – then shaves it off again – this is a pointer that he has no clue as to how he wants to look.

Beards that are excessively trimmed and manicured – another clue – too much staring in the mirror required ….never a good sign in a bloke.

Should they dress up and wear a tie for work? Should they be casual …? Most blokes just can’t get this right so they go for a half assed approach – throw a bit of everything in and hope it ‘gels’….

What happens when this type of bloke then gets married and has a baby?

Aaaaaaarrrggghhh – they have to be there every step of the way – every scan, every twinge, every baby shower they’re there being fully supportive. During the lead up to the birth they read every book and attend every class – till the happy moment arrives and they can be there during the entire procedure – cutting the umbilical cord and making a light snack out of the placenta on the mobile gas-powered barbecue that they brought in with them – served with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

After the birth they take ‘paternity leave’ and then assume the role of the mother growing breasts and feeding baby from their forever leaking mammary glands.

This is the critical moment when the ‘bond’ between father and child is most at risk – so they take every moment they can to spend time with baby and ensure that they get the most out of this new relationship.

All I’m saying here, is that I actually didn’t introduce myself to my children till they were six.

I thought a ‘night feed’ was when I sneaked downstairs for some cheese and a glass of milk in the middle of the night.

Changing the baby – I thought was some sort of club where you could swap the crying whiny one for one that could put up shelves or clean.

The school run – I thought was some sponsored event to be avoided at all costs.

Bonding – was something you did at the post office by buying tickets for Ernie and hoping you would win a million quid.

It could be that I was wrong.

It could be that the ‘new man’ has got it all sussed…

All I’m saying is that there are a lot of confused men out there who just aren’t sure what they should be doing.

In my day it was a lot easier – you just worked and worked some more – and left everything else to your partner.

Anybody out there I haven’t offended?

Mike C.