Not being one for conspiracy theories … (!)….

I must admit that I have been a little worried about the universal acceptance of electric vehicles. In my mind this appears to have happened ‘overnight’ and with almost no thought about the infrastructure required to support these types of transport and the knee jerk reaction of everybody jumping on board and hating the petrol engine.

I’ve been thinking there’s something else going on here that I’m missing?

Then low and behold in this morning’s paper we are advised that China has the monopoly on the ‘rare earth’ materials required to make the batteries that go in electric vehicles.

Apparently the rare metal sodallinium that is required in the making of:

Batteries
Phones
Weapons of mass destruction etc. etc.

 ….is only available ….in China.

Sooooo….not only can we not have petrol vehicles but the greatest threat to our future is in the hands of the Chinese who could completely cut us off from the ability to power any new vehicles or blow things up…. by simply not allowing the export of vital elements needed to make our new stuff work.

Soooo…we kill our British car industry, we kill our steel industry, we kill our farming industry, the fishing industry is under threat by Netflix ….and our schools and universities…are actually dens of sexual miss-conduct.

 ….and on top of all this…the country is being run by an adulterous idiot who seems to think it’s ok to give public money to his mates and to fund his love life by giving generous grants to ladies that sleep with him.

Maybe I should start listening to a few more conspiracy theories ….as the reality is all bollox anyway.

Or I could just try sleeping with Boris?

Mike C

Ps. Aliens ate my budgie.

Soooo…

Lockdowns over, you’ve had your jab, you’ve had your brush with death and you’ve survived …. but what are you gonna do with your new found freedom????

Well personally I’m thinking of just staying in and telling my wife that lockdown hasn’t ended and she still has to stay in and make meals for me… ????‍♂️

Now many of you will take offence at this type of sexist comment …but I’ve got to be honest she is a brilliant cook.

The meals I make…. consist of cheese in a variety of forms. Beef in large chunks. Curry with too much spice ….and way too much butter and salt in everything else.

My wife makes things which just taste amazing.

I feel bad for everybody that doesn’t get to taste her cooking.

So, in answer to my question about what am I going to do after lockdown – it will probably be me in mourning for the all of the following delights:

The sandwiches, the lentil dahl, the kale and spaghetti thing which sounded awful but was amazing…and the aubergine thing which was also delicious. Who knew that a vegetarian curry could actually be nice …and that cheese could just be sprinkled on top of pear and lettuce and be delicious? Turmeric chicken thighs I shall miss the most…

I know it would be bad to ask for a further lockdown …and I know I shouldn’t be making such daft comments …. but being locked in with somebody who is just great …

Ain’t all that bad.

Mike C

Now I’m sorry if I’ve upset a few people here but you need to be told the truth. You may have been lied to if you’ve been told that you will live forever …and there is a high probability that mummy and daddy may have been fibbing if they’ve glossed over this point.

Don’t get me wrong – you shouldn’t be worrying about it every night …. or even thinking about it till you’re well into your eighties…but…and you can quote me on this …. you will at some stage cease to be.

What I’m getting at here is that as we ALL know – a certain member of the… (bends knee) …. Royal family has died. We are told that this has been received with ‘shock and horror’ by the younger members of Royalty. They are all ‘numb’ with ‘surprise’ and ‘cannot believe that granddad has gone’….

He was 99.

He was 2 months off his 100th birthday.

He had just had heart surgery.

Now I’m thinking maybe, just maybe…. they should have been prepared for the worst?

How insulted must ordinary people who have lost loved ones during the pandemic be feeling by the outpouring of grief for this elderly chap who had such a long and blessed life?

People who’ve lost relatives who were young and fit, people who had no health problems who have died from COVID well before their time…these are the people that should be on the front page.

This has been ‘shocking’.

This has been ‘horrible’.

This has been ‘unforgivable’.

These are the people we should be honouring – and NOT FORGETTING.

Sorry – had to be said.

Mike C (no chance of getting a knighthood)

JAPANESE KNOTWEED: RAISING HELL SINCE 1840

So, many of you will know that I like cars. I have been a car fan since I was a little boy with my toy collection of things like – James Bond’s Aston Martin, Batman’s bat mobile and every hot rod that was in the hot wheels collection.

I’ve pretty much worked my way through most of my wish list for real cars since my childhood but now find myself with a dilemma.

Do I get an electric car?

I’ve been sitting on the sideline watching how the market unfolds and watching Tesla’s gradually become a more common site on the roads. I’ve also hated the styling of every e-car that’s arrived ….until recently.

The Porsche Taycan Cross Turismo, the Audi RS E-tron are both proper looking vehicles and sound like they have been really thought through …. yet I still have doubts in my mind. What about the charging points? Will I be able to get from Manchester to London on a single charge? Where would I find a hotel in London with a charging point?

I know there are answers to all of these issues – but then I get in to my other dilemmas …..

I like changing gear.

I like engine noise.

I like V8’s and V12’s.

I like the history of engines and car manufacturers.

I like the way a petrol-powered engine delivers its power.

I don’t like Elon Musk – I don’t trust him.

Yes, I know – electric cars are very quick from 0-60 – the power arrives instantly like a switch – but when do you ever actually ever use that ability…?

When have you ever seen an electric car being driven quickly for any length of time? I’ve yet to see any electric vehicle moving with any haste along a motorway. There must be a reason for this? Is it range anxiety or is it that everyone that’s bought them is a bit old and doesn’t want to go fast anymore?

Personally, I get in my car and go as fast as I can….all the time.

Except when my wife’s with me in the car – when I drive as slow as I can – or I get in trouble.

Hmmmm

Anybody got any opinions?

Mike C

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