Coming out….. March 31, 2021

Much has been written recently about the bravery of people as they open up about their sexuality.

Can I take this brief moment to recognise my 93 year old mother who has recently declared herself ‘bi-sexual’.

This was mainly shocking as for her entire life she has been unable to say the word ‘lesbian’ preferring to say the word by mouthing only and making no noise.

Mike C

Note : this was the result of mother filling in a form prior to having eye surgery.

Act like you’ve got it …. March 24, 2021

I was looking at the recent NHS COVID campaign and thinking it would work well with Japanese knotweed. The tag lines of ‘anyone can get it’ and ‘anyone can spread it’ would be useful to take on board with dealing with invasive species.

And maybe, if everyone acted ‘like you’ve got it’ then maybe we could get this problem under control?

All too often we see household waste containing invasive species – dumped in neglected areas. These areas often then cause spread and establishment of new areas of invasive plants.

Now you could argue that many people don’t realise what they are doing and are inadvertently spreading root and rhizome of unwanted plants – so maybe if everyone just assumes that… ‘they’ve got it’ …then maybe that excuse gets thrown out of the argument?

Maybe, if everyone just checked in their garden for unwanted alien species – on the assumption that they DID have a problem – then newly established alien species could be tackled BEFORE they become a problem.

Let’s get a nationwide search started for problem plants.

Let’s check that unruly scrub at the bottom of your garden.

Let’s look on the nearby river frontage.

Let’s start to notice what’s happening on our favourite walks.

We might not get a vaccine against unwanted plants but maybe we can start a movement that at least identifies problems before they get out of hand.

Mike C

Dog Training March 17, 2021

Just thought I would drop in an update on the dog.

Training is going well.

I wake up about 7/7.30 am. My dog, however, doesn’t wake up till about 8.30, so must have tummy rubs for an hour or so before she deems it time to move.

Treats must be given in the morning, first a mini chicken chew, then breakfast …this must be in the correct order.

She then picks her outfit for the day.

Walk will be when Lilly decides it’s time to leave the comfort of the radiator and will only occur if it’s not toooo cold or raining.

We will then walk wherever she wants to walk.

Afternoon nap will be in dads arms whilst he tries to work and may consist of several farts and some serious stretching and pushing over the laptop.

Pooping is generally about 3/3.30 after which she will scornfully watch me bag and bin the offending poop then wander off to chew on any plant that has the temerity to grow in her vicinity.

Tea will be exactly at 5pm – any later and all hell erupts.

Mum and dad will be allowed on the sofa but only after ensuring that every treat that she owns is placed on the settee in the correct position.

All good then.

I am doing this right aren’t I…..???

 

Mike C

Dog Training March 17, 2021

Just thought I would drop in an update on the dog.

Training is going well.

I wake up about 7/7.30 am. My dog, however, doesn’t wake up till about 8.30, so must have tummy rubs for an hour or so before she deems it time to move.

Treats must be given in the morning, first a mini chicken chew, then breakfast …this must be in the correct order.

She then picks her outfit for the day.

Walk will be when Lilly decides it’s time to leave the comfort of the radiator and will only occur if it’s not toooo cold or raining.

We will then walk wherever she wants to walk.

Afternoon nap will be in dads arms whilst he tries to work and may consist of several farts and some serious stretching and pushing over the laptop.

Pooping is generally about 3/3.30 after which she will scornfully watch me bag and bin the offending poop then wander off to chew on any plant that has the temerity to grow in her vicinity.

Tea will be exactly at 5pm – any later and all hell erupts.

Mum and dad will be allowed on the sofa but only after ensuring that every treat that she owns is placed on the settee in the correct position.

All good then.

I am doing this right aren’t I…..???

 

Mike C

Idiots March 10, 2021

Have you ever been walking through one of the London parks and seen a parakeet? Maybe you’ve looked up and thought …’What was that flash of colour?’ …then maybe you’ve thought … ‘Oh how cute’…

Let’s be clear. That bloody parakeet shouldn’t be there. They are aggressive anti-social birds that will spread to the detriment of all of our native birds. They fight for food, they fight for space and they reproduce very, very quickly.

In future walks, you will not be seeing native birds but just hundreds and hundreds of these bloody foreign invaders.

Maybe it’s not a London park you’ve seen them in – maybe it’s a more northern location. They will work their way through our country unchecked as weather conditions become more favourable and as global warming allows milder conditions in the North.

Personally, I’m not in favour of just allowing this to happen. Trapping and returning to Europe needed.

These birds were introduced on purpose by somebody. Rumour has it, that Jimi Hendrix may have been involved (urban myth?). Whoever it was had no understanding of how natural communities work – and hopefully wasn’t aware of the chaos such ‘releases’ can have on our native species.

Soooo….it was with some horror that I read that a woman was taking her pet macaw ???? on flying days in the Peak District. This bloody bird is bright green and has a four-foot wingspan. Yet this idiot woman thinks it’s ok to take this creature to some of our most valuable protected areas and release it…. allowing it to soar around the River Lathkill, River Wye and areas around Edale.

I love it on the River Lathkill and have the huge honour of occasionally seeing an Osprey. We have red kites and we have buzzards and all sorts of species of smaller raptor. These birds are rare and becoming even more so as we plunder our way through all the native woodland, felling and clearing to make way for high-speed trains, leaving just small areas where they can hunt and breed.

DOES THIS WOMAN HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT A BLOODY BRIGHT GREEN FOUR FOOT WINGSPAN ALIEN SPECIES COULD DO TO THE NATURAL BALANCE IN THESE AREAS …FFS??

If I were an Osprey and saw such a thing – I’d think – ‘bloody hell I’m not nesting here ….’

Come on people, can we have some common sense ….please?

Mike C

Alien vs Predator March 3, 2021

In the future, the world has been overrun by invasive species.

Plants were sent from the future to try and stop Japanese knotweed from ever being introduced to the UK….but they were too late.

A small, rebel band, of native species tried to prevent the onslaught and fought valiantly to try and slow the spread.

Every plant beginning with the prefix ‘Japanese’ was killed in an approach called ‘the terminator’ – as each plant died they could be heard saying … ‘I’ll be back…’

Years later…. the son of the person sent to the past from the future was so confused about what he was doing that he started selling Knotweed in garden centres ….

He then met himself coming back in time trying to prevent a mass explosion in growth …but was confused and instead got a job with the Environment Agency in 1961…. who said Knotweed ‘was not a problem’….

And they all lived happily ever after.

 

Mike C