I’m thinking of adopting a new business strategy …lying.

I was in a meeting last week with a pretty high powered client and he said…’*********’’ a competitor of yours state that they can kill Japanese knotweed in a single application of herbicide’ …..then went on to say…. ‘why would they say that if it wasn’t true..?’

Well Mr High powered client if …every decent honest company tells customers that Japanese knotweed will typically take 3 to 5 years of repeat herbicide application …and some bunch of lying no good rip off merchants say they can do the job with one visit…who do you think will get the work?

Now there is a faint crack in this strategy …if ….as any decent contractor would expect – there is re growth after the ‘all powerful’ single spray with a ‘ secret mix’ then how does Mr ******** get round this??

Well …for a start I would suggest looking closely at any paperwork provided by ‘********’ – what you will probably find will be some very small print that states ‘…if there is any re growth we will come back…(neatly sidestepping the ‘kill it with one spray …’ ….lie). As regards the cost of these works they will then sell you an insurance backed ‘guarantee’ (maybe even from Lloyds of London) …and bingo they’re covered.

So …would I ever adopt this strategy – well no….I couldn’t.

One of the main differences between JKSL and some of the ‘other’ companies out there is that my team are actually from a horticultural background – they aren’t ex car salesmen or double glazing experts or even experts in franchising…they know about plants, and they know about invasive species.

This is why they don’t trot out any bullshit because they know invasive plants have a way of surviving that defies most standard techniques.

Do you really think Japanese knotweed would be so problematic if a single herbicide spray would kill it …really? Really?

Mike C

Well, the title’s a bit of an exaggeration – but pre-use checks may have prevented a potentially embarrassing accident / fire / death. I know – it’s not quite got the same ring to it…

Those of you who know me will probably be aware that I recently passed my NEBOSH General Certificate in Occupational Health and Safety and I am eagerly awaiting approval as a Technical Member of IOSH. It’s actually a lot more interesting and much more common-sense than people tend to think.

Anyway, a few weeks back, a neighbour saw me cutting our front hedge with my trusty old hedge clippers – good old fashioned tools with no engine but my 24-inch pythons (OK, more like 14, but what’s 10 inches between friends, eh?).

With a very modern lack of comprehension as to why someone might enjoy a bit of manual work, the neighbour offered me a cobweb-covered old electric hedge trimmer from her garage. Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, I accepted, of course.

So yesterday, while working on the garden, we decided to use the new trimmers to do the hedges.

What’s the first thing to do before starting work? That’s right: have a brew.

That done, I got to work and carried out an inspection of the equipment.

Now, when I said I’m “not one to look a gift horse in the mouth”; that was a complete lie. I got out my ACME equine dentist kit and proceeded to give the old nag a thorough once-over.

The plug looked fine – no external damage and the cord grip was secure
The housing of the equipment was intact; no damage.
There was a bit of electrical tape around the flex… Hmmm… Further inspection needed, methinks.

It seems that someone had run into a little trouble and cut through the power cord (probably with the trimmer itself). Whether that person is still alive or not, I have no idea. Anyway, rather than do anything sensible (like have it repaired by a professional or chuck it in the bin), the next user simply twisted the two wires together and taped the whole thing up – leaving the two cores to short-circuit. Oh dear.

Onwards with the inspection (next stop: Plug Town). As you would probably expect with such an awful “repair” job, the fuse had blown. No problem for our intrepid garden genius, it would seem, as when I opened up the plug housing, the fuse had been wrapped in silver foil and replaced.

Now, while a fuse is technically not there to protect people, it is there to protect equipment (including mains electrical installations) from things like “exploding” and “catching on fire”; things which tend to be fairly dangerous to people too.

So inspection complete, faults identified, I stuck in a new fuse, removed the length of broken wire and re-connected the rest of the wire to the equipment housing (so there were no breaks in the cable). Then I ran a little test – and everything was in order.

So, my job as Household Health and Safety Manager done, I gave the hedge trimmer to my partner and watched, proud of my good work, as she didn’t get set on fire or die while she trimmed our hedges.

Job’s a good ‘un. Time for another brew, I think.

Chris Oliver, self-appointed Household Health and Safety Manager