I’ve reached the ripe old age of 54 and realised that I need to take better care of my body and get my life in order.

So I’ve recently joined a gym and am punishing my body with gruelling reps of weights, sit ups, crunches and star jumps.

I’ve sorted my diet and have given up cheese and all dairy products. I’ve also given up alcohol and now perceive my body to be a temple which should be worshipped by only feeding raw and natural foods.

Chocolate and sweet things have been given over to be replaced by carrot pieces and cucumber sliced in a tempting chunky way.

I’ve also realised that the best thing in my life is my wife. I no longer look at other women …ever. Movie stars and film heroines mean nothing to me anymore – I am a one woman man and temptation will no longer be something for me to struggle with.

Technology and gadgets will no longer be part of my life. I’m downsizing all my electronic wizardry and taking on a more monk like existence – zen like calm will be the rule whilst I contemplate the more simple life.

Cars….so long a major part of my life are now perceived as a complete waste of money. Surely anything with four wheels and the ability to get you from A to B will suffice. Public transport for me from now on.

All this has resulted in significant weight loss and a calmer more peaceful take on life. I’m invigorated, my libido has returned and each day I awake full of the joys of living in this beautiful world.

Note : Those of you that know me will realise that this is actually a dream sequence similar to that experienced by Bobby Ewing during his return to Dallas.

This dream occurred after I had eaten a large chunk of Stilton cheese, drunk a bottle of red followed by a half bottle of Saki then a glass of aged Japanese whisky …chomping through a box of Thorntons chocolates whilst watching Avengers age of Ultron on my huge Bang and Olufsen TV pausing and rewinding the film backwards and forwards to see Scarlett Johansen bouncing and running in high def.

Now where are the keys to the Aston.

Mike C