Cheap April 24, 2015 Cheap April 24, 2015 Cheap April 24, 2015 I will Look after it ….I Promise April 24, 2015

When I first met my wife she couldn’t drive, she wasn’t that bothered about cars and was happy getting the bus everywhere. When she got pregnant* all this changed and she decided that she needed to pass her test and get her personal mobility and independence sorted. She passed first time – and then gave birth about four weeks later.

Once she was up and about she started to pester me for a car – finally deciding on a second hand Peugeot 205  – telling me that if I bought this for her she would…. ‘look after it, keep it clean, wash it weekly, check its tyres, fill the screen wash etc etc’ ….and like the fool that I am…I believed her.

Fast forward 26 years and a whole range of different cars – small ones, big ones, manual ones, automatic ones….she has never cleaned any of them, she regularly leaves litter and sweet wrappers on the floor, never fills the petrol tank, never fills the screen wash and has never any idea of when they are due for a service.

In her most recent car she even has a small tree growing in the gap between the bonnet and the base of the windscreen leading me to suggest that a ‘grounds maintenance’ contract might be more in order rather than a simple wax and polish.

So…what is the point that I’m trying to make here? Well what I’m trying to say is that – as with most things – it’s not just about ‘having’ something… it’s about how you look after it. With my cars for example – I clean and polish and wax and check tyres and fill screen wash weekly – it’s about ‘maintaining’ the quality of the vehicle.

With my garden at home I wage war on ground elder and hedge bindweed – both highly invasive species…. which …. if left unchecked will seriously take over your land. So every weekend I’m out there with gloves and sheers and chemicals…. all to try and tame the rampant vegetation that comes in from the adjacent neighbour’s garden. The adjacent land is owned by an elderly couple who have lost the will to battle against their encroaching jungle/garden and have left it to grow wild. They won’t sell the land and they won’t let me maintain the plot …so I’m up against a never ending supply of seed and root invading my land every day.

The majority of large land owners appear to fall into the ‘Pam Clough’ school of car maintenance. They’ve got it, they own it…but frankly they don’t really want anything to do with it unless it sits up and hits them in the face…

Land will not ‘look after itself’ – in fact land not looked after can become a huge liability. With the current spate of Invasive Non-Native Species that will quickly take over your ‘investment’ you need to be very careful about what you allow to establish on your land. I’m not suggesting that you sit around with a shotgun blasting away at anything that looks suspicious…but maybe once a year why not have somebody with a sharp eye look over your boundaries and check for Aliens!

Quite often it’s the adjacent property that you need to take a look at – perhaps your land is next to a railway or a river or ditch – any linear corridor is an ideal route for vegetation to migrate along. In fact it has been noted that ‘wildlife’ corridors – so beloved by nature enthusiasts – are a perfect route for invasive species to also travel along! The idea of wildlife corridors is to allow animals to cross fields and large open spaces along the route of a hedge or woodland – these corridors should ideally interconnect so that animals can get from point A to point B without ever being exposed….unfortunately these routes can also be a route for seed to be dispersed leaving a potential for the likes of Himalayan balsam to rapidly over take these pathways.

These invasions can be rapid and devastating – but also can be fairly easily stopped dead in their tracks if spotted early enough.

It should also be noted that you don’t just need to take my word for the seriousness of these issues – changes in legislation from January 2015 will mean that any invasive non-native species spotted on your land can be reported to the Environment Agency (EA) – should you then fail to resolve the issues to the satisfaction of the EA you could be served with a species control order (SCO).which will empower you to act. Failure to act on receipt of a SCO will result in the EA coming onto your land and taking action to remove the offending species – all costs would then be served on the land owner!

So don’t be a ‘Pam Clough’ be a ‘Mike Clough’ – be pro-active and look after your land….and don’t wait for a Species Control Order to be served on you!

 

Mike C

 

NB When I say ‘she got pregnant’…. obviously this wasn’t completely her doing

What a shallow world we live in… April 24, 2015

It never ceases to amaze me how shallow people are, they take a quick at what you’re wearing and make a quick decision about what sort of person you are… based on whether you have on jeans or a suit and a tie.

30 odd years ago I said to myself, when I own my own business… I’m never going to be forced to wear a suit just because somebody else thinks I should. I should be able to wear what I’m comfortable in and just be ‘myself’. I’m intelligent and articulate and professional, I just don’t ‘conform’ to the dress standards set by ‘society’….and if I want to have a pink Mohican hair cut – then that’s exactly what I’m going to have …

Fast forward 30 years and I’ve achieved pretty much everything I’ve set out to do (even a pink Mohican) – I have a series of reasonably successful businesses, I employ 30 odd staff over a variety of companies – yet I still get people calling me a scruffy bastard….!

What amuses me more is that the people that often call me ‘scruffy’ are wearing Marks and Spencer suits with a crappy shirt, cheap shoes and an unreliable watch. They turn up in their Vauxhall Astra or their cheap Mercedes thinking they are the dog’s bollocks when truth be known they have so little imagination about anything worthwhile that it’s amazing they manage to get dressed in the morning.

Anyway, putting all this to one side, having done exactly what I want for the bulk of my business owning career, I now find myself as chairman of the Invasive Non Native Species Association (INNSA – www.innsa.org) and as such I find myself having to ….conform….

I was due to give a presentation to the Council of Mortgage Lenders (the CML) last week and asked my fellow steering group members as to whether they would prefer me to wear a suit?

They responded with a loud ..YES…(…you scruffy bastard)

On arriving in London at my Hotel I noticed a new Bentley parked in front of the main doors – on enquiring what the car was for, the hotel advised that it was for guests to use instead of black cabs….

So it was that last Friday I found myself wearing a suit and tie, being chauffeur driven in a brand new stretch Bentley* to a meeting at one of the smarter London boutique hotels….and boy can I tell you does it make a difference to how people treat you!

I had gone from suspected criminal …to Royalty…nothing was enough trouble for the obsequious staff who treated me as if I was god’s gift to business… and…bear in mind this was the same hotel that wouldn’t let me in when I was wearing jeans and a shirt…I’m the same person goddamit…

So what do we conclude from this little episode…hmmmm…not sure really?

Maybe I need to learn a lesson and wear a suit if I want to make the right impression?

…but… do I really want to make this much effort?

To be honest I’d rather just be myself and lose a few arsey clients…

Mike C
*NB all paid for my me personally not by INNSA!

I will Look after it ….I Promise April 24, 2015

When I first met my wife she couldn’t drive, she wasn’t that bothered about cars and was happy getting the bus everywhere. When she got pregnant* all this changed and she decided that she needed to pass her test and get her personal mobility and independence sorted. She passed first time – and then gave birth about four weeks later.

Once she was up and about she started to pester me for a car – finally deciding on a second hand Peugeot 205  – telling me that if I bought this for her she would…. ‘look after it, keep it clean, wash it weekly, check its tyres, fill the screen wash etc etc’ ….and like the fool that I am…I believed her.

Fast forward 26 years and a whole range of different cars – small ones, big ones, manual ones, automatic ones….she has never cleaned any of them, she regularly leaves litter and sweet wrappers on the floor, never fills the petrol tank, never fills the screen wash and has never any idea of when they are due for a service.

In her most recent car she even has a small tree growing in the gap between the bonnet and the base of the windscreen leading me to suggest that a ‘grounds maintenance’ contract might be more in order rather than a simple wax and polish.

So…what is the point that I’m trying to make here? Well what I’m trying to say is that – as with most things – it’s not just about ‘having’ something… it’s about how you look after it. With my cars for example – I clean and polish and wax and check tyres and fill screen wash weekly – it’s about ‘maintaining’ the quality of the vehicle.

With my garden at home I wage war on ground elder and hedge bindweed – both highly invasive species…. which …. if left unchecked will seriously take over your land. So every weekend I’m out there with gloves and sheers and chemicals…. all to try and tame the rampant vegetation that comes in from the adjacent neighbour’s garden. The adjacent land is owned by an elderly couple who have lost the will to battle against their encroaching jungle/garden and have left it to grow wild. They won’t sell the land and they won’t let me maintain the plot …so I’m up against a never ending supply of seed and root invading my land every day.

The majority of large land owners appear to fall into the ‘Pam Clough’ school of car maintenance. They’ve got it, they own it…but frankly they don’t really want anything to do with it unless it sits up and hits them in the face…

Land will not ‘look after itself’ – in fact land not looked after can become a huge liability. With the current spate of Invasive Non-Native Species that will quickly take over your ‘investment’ you need to be very careful about what you allow to establish on your land. I’m not suggesting that you sit around with a shotgun blasting away at anything that looks suspicious…but maybe once a year why not have somebody with a sharp eye look over your boundaries and check for Aliens!

Quite often it’s the adjacent property that you need to take a look at – perhaps your land is next to a railway or a river or ditch – any linear corridor is an ideal route for vegetation to migrate along. In fact it has been noted that ‘wildlife’ corridors – so beloved by nature enthusiasts – are a perfect route for invasive species to also travel along! The idea of wildlife corridors is to allow animals to cross fields and large open spaces along the route of a hedge or woodland – these corridors should ideally interconnect so that animals can get from point A to point B without ever being exposed….unfortunately these routes can also be a route for seed to be dispersed leaving a potential for the likes of Himalayan balsam to rapidly over take these pathways.

These invasions can be rapid and devastating – but also can be fairly easily stopped dead in their tracks if spotted early enough.

It should also be noted that you don’t just need to take my word for the seriousness of these issues – changes in legislation from January 2015 will mean that any invasive non-native species spotted on your land can be reported to the Environment Agency (EA) – should you then fail to resolve the issues to the satisfaction of the EA you could be served with a species control order (SCO).which will empower you to act. Failure to act on receipt of a SCO will result in the EA coming onto your land and taking action to remove the offending species – all costs would then be served on the land owner!

So don’t be a ‘Pam Clough’ be a ‘Mike Clough’ – be pro-active and look after your land….and don’t wait for a Species Control Order to be served on you!

 

Mike C

 

NB When I say ‘she got pregnant’…. obviously this wasn’t completely her doing

Just when you thought you were safe… April 24, 2015

I’m a big fan of movies, I like horror films or maybe something clever maybe science fiction. I loved the Alien films and can argue about which is the best of the quadrilogy with any film buff who wants to criticise the third instalment (which actually I consider to be one of the best).

I like creativity and ideas that are a bit off the wall.

I like weird creatures and odd plants and always find myself thinking that the flora and fauna that we have in reality are much weirder than those that the film makers create. Take a look under a microscope at any of our water-borne native creatures and you can see where the inspiration comes for a lot of our horror movie ‘aliens’…

So how about a crayfish that can clone itself? Science fiction? Nope…science fact….

Awesome…

‘Marmorkrebs’ are a variety of Crayfish that is parthenogenic, which means it can clone itself and does not require a male crayfish…thus a single individual has the potential to escape and colonise an entire environment….!

Recently one of these marbled crayfish (Procambarus fallax f.virginalis) known by its German name of ‘Marmokrebs’ has been sold from a retail outlet in Surrey….aaargggghhh….luckily when the owner of the crayfish realised the true nature of the ‘pet’ he’d owned for two years he contacted the Environment Agency and the crayfish were subsequently destroyed.

It is an offence to this species under the ‘Import of live fish act 1980’. The Fish Health Inspectorate has been informed and has visited the premises and an alert has been issued throughout the ornamental trade.

It doesn’t make comfortable reading though does it?

What if the ‘pet’ owner had simply got bored and thrown the crayfish into the nearby pond/river? What if the ‘pet’ owner supplied all of his friends with ‘pets’…(a little like I did with guinea pigs…)

This story would make a great film….but I’ve seen far too horror movies to underestimate how these ‘invasions’ start….!

Mike C

Invasive Species – The Benefits… April 24, 2015

If a volcano were to suddenly erupt and create a new island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, this ‘new’ piece of land would have no indigenous flora and fauna. It stands to reason – the volcano would have pushed rock from deep beneath the earth’s surface upward and outward in a massive burst of energy.

Nothing could have survived within the depths of the earth’s crust at the high temperature and great pressures that would have been produced during the ‘event’. So what will have been produced would be a ‘virginal’ piece of rock with no life upon it.

We know that these momentous events have taken place throughout the history of the world so why aren’t there islands that consist of nothing but bare rock? Ok I know there are some pretty inhospitable pieces of land around the world but generally ….something is making a home there.

If ‘something’ begins to make a home in a new environment and succeeds – then by definition this must be an ‘invasive species’…? It has come into a new environment in which previously it wasn’t recorded and it has created a new home for itself.

When Captain Cook anchored off Easter Island in March 1774 he stated that … ‘ nature has been exceedingly sparing of favours to this spot’. Whilst Cook’s comment was undoubtedly true – one would have to put the statement into context – the nearest continent is South America 2,280 miles away and the nearest vegetated Pacific Island is 1000 miles. Plants and animals have through whatever means – managed to reach these remote islands without the help of man.

Not only have they managed to reach these remote new homes but often they have evolved dense tropical vegetation with unique groups of plants and animals.

In 1883 the island of Krakatau destroyed all life under a rain of hot volcanic ash in places more than a hundred feet deep – yet was recolonized by plants and animals from the nearest land – and after fifty years had already a rich and maturing jungle. By 1933 there were at least 720 species of insects and 30 resident birds plus a few species of reptiles and mammals. These species only had to cross from the adjacent lands of Java and Sumatra a mere twenty five miles over the sea.

Japanese Knotweed is often described as a ‘ruderal species’ – this means a species which is the first to colonise bare ground after an earth clearing event such as a volcano or a fire. Japanese Knotweed is adapted to these environments and is built to spread and reproduce as quickly as possible. It has an advantageous system of reproduction through propagules which enables it asexually – to out compete plants which typically require male and females to be able to reproduce.

The point I’m making here is that these ‘invasive species’ are not doing anything particularly aggressive on purpose….. They are simply doing what comes naturally to them – it is man who has imported these species to environments where they have become problematic.

Without these types of ‘invasive non-native’ species we would probably still be sitting around on bare bits of rock trying to catch a dinosaur to eat…?

It’s all about context!

I’ve been bad… April 24, 2015

I may occasionally do things that I’m not proud of…but at least I know it when I’ve done something wrong. I’ve been brought up to care about honesty and integrity and I will occasionally lie awake at night feeling guilty if I’ve done something that my dad wouldn’t approve of.

Dad was Head of Derbyshire School Journeys and often organised trips around the world for his geography pupils.  He would work out to the nearest penny – what the trip should cost, then he would work out how much to ask the parents for. After the trip was over he would meticulously go through every receipt and come up with an exact cost  – and then refund each parent whatever money was left over – this would range from £1.60 to £5.10 ….but whatever it was – the parents would get an exact breakdown and an exact refund.

Watching my dad work out his finances and his wish to do everything honestly and above board has left me with an innate sense of right and wrong. Hence when somebody over pays, or pays us twice – I’m not the type to just say…’don’t say anything – see what happens’ I’m much more likely to say… ‘refund the money and let their accounts department know they made an error’…

But… I don’t always. Hence my comment that I occasionally do things I’m not proud of.

Recently a client – (who shall remain nameless) – kept us waiting for our invoice to be paid for six months beyond the due payment date. They didn’t give a reason, they refused to take calls, they made no excuse – they just would not pay…then they finally paid us.

Then a month later they paid us again.

My accounts department flagged this up and immediately said that we should refund them at the end of the week…and I said ‘no’.

I said – … ‘you know what…let’s just let them stew for a few weeks…let them call us, write to us, e mail us…let them suffer …like they made us suffer’.

It wasn’t worth it – all that happened was that I got really stressed feeling that my dad was watching me from above shaking his finger at me and sending me bad vibes. I knew I had done a bad thing and I couldn’t sleep till we had paid the money back.

So that’s me…however there are some people that do much, much worse and yet seem to have no idea that they have done anything wrong.

Now correct me if I’m wrong here… but as a business owner – everything my team does is my responsibility.

Anything that happens within JKSL is ultimately down to me…and I accept that – I hold my hands up.

What you won’t find is me blaming everybody else.

 

If I’ve been bad – I will own up.

…and if you pay me twice, I will pay you back…
Mike C

I despair… April 24, 2015

Sorry this week’s blog isn’t about invasive species it’s just me having a moan….

Why is it that people that you employ can’t be honest about what they are up to? I’ve just had another incident of someone pleading problems at home and wanting ‘compassionate leave’, they are ‘stressed’ at work and ‘can’t cope’. So I try and help, I offer time off, I offer working from home… but they say ‘no…. I need to have some time off’…. so they leave…. and low and behold the following week – they start working for one of our competitors…. aaarrrgggghhh!

I train them, I teach them the ropes, they just begin to pay their way and then they f**k off to help out the competition!

In the good old days life was a lot simpler…. I know shooting people is bad, and even to suggest breaking someone’s legs is a bit politically incorrect but at least people knew where they stood (…. or maybe sat…. in a wheelchair).

What always surprises me is that the prospective employer when interviewing these type of people doesn’t think…. ‘hang on, he/she’s f**king over Mike Clough…. surely they will do the same to me’. If someone says at interview when asked…. ‘what notice do you have to give?…. and they reply ‘four weeks but I can start Monday’…. wouldn’t you think perhaps they are a bit dodgy and will do the same to you…. ?

What I want is a world where your team come and have a chat with you and say…. ‘Mike I’m not progressing in the job, Mike I want to earn more money, Mike I’m not enjoying my job etcetc’ – all of these issues could be tackled…. and if they weren’t resolved satisfactorily then you would both agree that it would be best if you moved on or started to apply for another job – all with a smile and a great reference.

And as a final point, maybe people should read their contracts which state that you cannot work for a competitor within a certain radius of our offices….

Shooting people would be easier.

I know, I know, maybe just a paint ball gun?
Mike C

How and Why…? April 24, 2015

If I had a pound for every time certain questions were asked I would be a rich man…! One of my favourite questions has to be … ‘…and what is it that you do?’ – this question is regularly asked to Mike Clough of … ‘Japanese Knotweed Solutions’ …the clues in the name guys!

One of my other favourites is when people ask … ‘…and where does it come from?’ …duuuh… ‘Japanese Knotweed’ surprisingly comes from …wait for it…JAPAN!

In all honesty – it’s a little more complicated – Japanese Knotweed is actually native to China, Taiwan and the Korean peninsula as well as Japan, so could just as easily have been called Chinese Knotweed, Taiwanese Knotweed or even Korean Knotweed…!

It is however pretty much accepted that its date of introduction to Europe was 1849 from the nursery of Philip von Siebold who then sent it to the Royal Botanical Gardens at Kew in 1850 (Conolly 1977).

Fallopia Japonica was then made available to the general plant buying public in the same year…and advertised as hardy, quick growing, tolerant of a variety of conditions and useful as a fodder crop for your horses and cattle. Fallopia Japonica was also sent to the Royal Botanical Gardens at Edinburgh in 1854 where it was then further distributed across the UK and most likely to the USA as well.

By the late 1880’s the plant had become ‘naturalised’ and was reported growing on cinder tips near Glamorgan South Wales and on patches of cultivated ground in Oldham, Lancashire.

Gardeners being the type of people that they are – love to celebrate the success of a plant that they have used, by offering cuttings to their friends and neighbours and have inadvertently massively expanded the growth range of Japanese Knotweed. The Victorians loved their ‘wild gardens’ where they re-created ‘natural’ landscapes by having quick growing Japanese Knotweed planted as a ‘back drop’ to their more exotic garden plants.

Quick growing Fallopia Japonica was also used to hide the toilet at the bottom of the garden (leading to it being called the ‘outhouse plant’ in the USA). It was often intentionally introduced as an ornamental and by the 1900’s the number of naturalizations increased rapidly. Introduction and spread in other European Countries followed a very similar pattern as that in the UK.

When one looks at the list of countries that introduced Japanese Knotweed and now have a problem with it being ‘invasive’ the list is never ending:

Austria                  introduced                          invasive

Belgium                introduced                          invasive

Czech Republic    introduced                         invasive

France                  introduced                         invasive

Germany              introduced                          invasive

Ireland                  introduced                         invasive

Netherlands         introduced                         invasive

Norway

Poland

Spain

UK

Australia

New Zealand

Etc etc etc

You would think that along the way …somebody would have twigged that maybe this plant wasn’t such a great idea?

So the answer to ‘how?’ is detailed above, the answer to ‘why?’…would be

… ON PURPOSE!

 

Mike C

Fiat Panda vs Aston Martin April 24, 2015

Finally …the car review you’ve all been wanting to read…the Fiat Panda 4×4 versus the Aston Martin V12 Vantage ‘S’ – perhaps an unfair comparison you may be thinking? …well read on…

The first and most obvious thing to say is that the Panda is by far the cheaper of the two vehicles, you could have at least 8 Fiats for the price of the Aston – but let’s put this to one side for the moment.

Economy – obviously the Panda is far more economical than the Aston, the Aston won’t get you to London without a re-fuelling stop – whereas the Panda will do London and back on one tank.

Score 1 to the Panda

Technology – the Bluetooth phone kit in the Aston is appalling – all you get is engine noise – the phone kit in the Panda is a dead easy and the quality is superb

Score 2 to the Panda

Usability – you can literally park the Panda anywhere and not worry about it – whereas the Aston always attracts the wrong type of attention – (the car was vandalised in Manchester recently …£1700 worth of damage from somebody taking a ‘selfie’ sat on the bonnet).

Score 3 to the Panda

Headlights – Panda lights up the road ahead, Aston lights up… pretty much nothing

Score 4 to the Panda

Wet weather driving – Panda has four wheel drive, dif lock, winter tyres and just sticks to the road like glue…..the Aston just wiggles its back end then spins its wheels…then a red light comes on…

Score 5 to the Panda

Other road users –  when you’re in the Panda, people wave and point and smile…when you’re in the Aston the phrase ‘dickhead’ can be heard as you burble along…people do make hand gestures but not the nice ones….

Score 6 to the Panda

I could go on and on about this but you begin to get the picture…its far more relaxing to be sat in the little Fiat than it is to be on show in the Aston Martin.

Maybe I’m just getting older and require a little more of a low key approach?

Maybe it’s something to do with the public perception of the type of person that drives these vehicles?

Being a British businessman (and proud of it)…I wanted a British car I could be proud of, something I would be able to enjoy driving and have something to show for all the hard work and effort that it takes to run a company in this most difficult of economic climates.

It would appear however that the general British public don’t particularly like somebody looking as though they are successful?

Maybe i should just grow up and buy a sensible in grey with a diesel engine ….something bland and predictable with a huge mpg….?

Naah …f**k it you only live once…

 

Mike C