CALL 0161 723 2000 | Careers | Contact

Call Us
0161 723 2000

we are working until 5PM

Native Ninja

Driving along today I kept spotting invasive non-native plants, pretty much everywhere I looked there was Himalayan balsam, Japanese Knotweed, Giant hogweed, Rosebay willow herb and new on the block Golden Rod.

Looking at these plants and thinking about how they get established set me to thinking…maybe we need a ‘superhero’ …someone who can tackle these invaders….someone bold enough and strong enough to stand up to these bullies…?

We need ‘NATIVE NINJAS’…

…and we don’t need just one, we need thousands all over the country.

So …to get your ‘NATIVE NINJA’ pack – please write a short description of why you should be considered for the ‘free – Native Ninja’ kit*.

NB * Kit consists of:

• One pair black tights

• One black balaclava

• One pair black wrap-around sunglasses

• One black ‘Native Ninja’ T Shirt (sizes XXL upward)

• One samurai sword (v. sharp)

• One pair ‘crocs’ (black)
On spotting an Invasive Non-Native Species – the ‘Native Ninja’ will be expected to change quickly into one’s outfit (…a phone box or similar will do) then one should leap out whilst striking quickly with the Samurai sword at the base of the offending plant whilst shouting ….’BANZAI’….once the main stem has been severed the ‘Native Ninja’ should then carry on chopping and chopping until any remaining vegetation has been reduced to a fine mulch…

At this point (if you haven’t been arrested) one should run quickly from the scene shouting loudly REDRUM,REDRUM,REDRUM….

When questioned (…as you will be) please never mention my name or where you got your ‘Native Ninja’ kit from…

First rule.

You do not talk about Fight Club…..sorry I mean …You do not talk about Native Ninjas…

 

Mike C *

*Note from Suzanne : the hot weather and the current abundance of non-native plants has pushed Mike over the edge – he has been asked to have a holiday.