My wife has made a tactical error.
She has a technique of repeatedly introducing topics into conversation so that we go off in the targeted direction and she gets what she wants. She leaves magazines open on certain pages, television programmes are paused and played only when I enter the room, I get unsolicited e-mails from companies I have never heard of – that suggest… ‘as per your recent enquiry’.
My I-Pad is under the impression that my favourite websites are ‘Rightmove’ and ‘John Lewis interiors’ ….it thinks I like ‘Cath Kidston’ and that I want pottery from ‘Emma Bridgewater’ websites, I can assure you …I have never been on.
So as part of her most recent barrage of subliminal messages we have been on holiday to a foreign place. We have actually extended our range from North Wales to the bloody Maldives. I don’t actually know how this happened – I thought I was getting on a plane to Llandudno so was a bit shocked when we arrived in Dubai.
The ‘error’ that she has made is that I have actually enjoyed the holiday. I’ve enjoyed it so much I want to go again. I want to go again …now.
But… dear reader this is not in my wife’s plans, she has moved on from holidays to houses. It appears our house is… ‘not big enough for two people’ – even though until recently it held four people and a dog.
It now has only two occupants but is apparently one of THE smallest houses in Glossop – if not the world.
So, my in-tray has been clogged with companies that do ‘House make overs’, the post is full of circulars from companies responding to our ‘interest’ and my diary appears to have meetings with ‘contractor 1’, ‘contractor 2’ and ‘contractor 3 …I like the look of this one’.
I have, however, pointed out to my other half that we can’t do everything.
So, it’s either houses or holidays…
Which is it to be…?
I’m now getting subliminal messages relating to articles titled …. ‘how to leave your husband and take all his money’ …