Get yourself a Whelan December 23, 2020

People often talk to me about how my business works and why it’s been successful. I would like to take all the praise and say it’s all about me.

But …to be honest…. it’s the unsung heroes that need a mention.

Years ago, I came across my first ‘Whelan’ in the form of Dave. Dave worked for a landscape company and ‘got the job done’ – his key phrase was ‘we don’t fuck about’. He worked harder and more efficiently than anybody I had ever come across. Don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t perfect ….in fact he was a bit of a bastard…but boy did he get through some work.

Luckily the Whelan’s also produced a Phil, Dave’s brother, who also works for me. Dave also produced a son – Pete – …. again who works for me – and they are all the same. Same work ethic, same drive and determination to just get the job done.

Somebody should take a genetic sample and find what it is that’s in their gene pool… because whatever it is…it’s special.

So, if anybody asks why my business has continued to be successful – I should really say – it’s the Whelan’s.

Mike C


Nb when researching for hard working genes….you could also add to this list;


Tooooo Safe? December 16, 2020

Can there be such a thing as too safe? My current car (Audi) seems to think there is danger everywhere. From reversing cameras that go ballistic when you’re still a good six feet from anything – to motion detectors that slam the brakes on when a squirrel is in a nearby tree in front of the car.

It’s tooooo much. Bloody bleeping and squawking and flashing lights ….

I go from the Audi, to my older car (Aston Martin) and no such technology bothers me. It’s just engine noise and a speedometer. Much more relaxing and much more engaging. The Audi kind of makes your brain switch off. The Aston Martin says – if you don’t concentrate on this… then you will be going into the hedge backwards.

I’m wondering if this analogy isn’t one way of looking at what’s going on in the world? Maybe we are being overcautious about everything? Maybe we should just be left to fend for ourselves and think a bit more about our actions?

Motorway speed limits? I’ve thought for years that we shouldn’t have just one limit – when there are a huge variety of vehicles, all with different engines and different capabilities. I was caught speeding in a Porsche 911 doing 90mph on a motorway in Scotland. The boys in blue pulled me and fined me. The car in front of me – which they ignored – was an old Nissan Micra – a bit of a rust bucket – which was doing 90+ mph as well …. now correct me if I’m wrong here but – yes – we were both speeding – but the chances of the Nissan stopping in a set distance were zero. The Porsche could stop on a sixpence. Maybe the police should have given this some thought rather than thinking – this guy can pay the fine – let’s ‘ave ‘im ….

Could cars have different speed limits?

Points on your licence? 12 points and over, you get a ban. Yet my mother, who is 93 and never drives, also has an allowance of 12 points. My wife, who has driven 2400 miles (yes, two thousand four hundred) has an allowance of 12 points. I drive upwards of 40,000 miles a year and yet have the same allowance. Is this fair? The chances of me getting caught with so many cameras on motorways is pretty damn high ….yet we’re all on the same number of points allowed.

Could personal allowance of points depend on mileage covered?

COVID rules. I’m convinced that most businesses that have been closed down could have continued to operate. Maybe what should have happened is a little more flexibility in the approach. Hotels and restaurants could maybe have continued to open IF they followed guidelines and took precautions? During the first lockdown when the construction industry stopped working – what were the perceived benefits? The damage to the economy will never recover and the costs to the taxpayer are just unthinkable. Blanket rules just penalise so many peripheral businesses that just need not have been closed down.

Maybe there should be a little less ‘nanny state’ control of everything we do?

Maybe this would encourage people to think and be a little more creative with their lives?

Just saying.


Mike C.

Jeff Bezos December 9, 2020

So… we know that Jeff Bezos (JB) is the richest man – IN THE WORLD.

We know that he owns Amazon.

We know that every time we go into lockdown Amazon makes even more money.

We know that the virus is being transmitted via white vans and cardboard packaging.

We know that contaminated hand sanitizers that you’ve bought from Amazon are the ideal way to spread the disease.

We know that Amazon delivers packages to the wrong address so that you have to wander around aimlessly looking for the correct address whilst passing the pathogen into everyone you meet.

We know that Coronavirus thrives on stress – this is the state you are forced into whilst waiting for your delivery – when the driver tells you that you weren’t in….when you were.

We know that COVID hits the overweight and unhealthy harder than other groups – yet Amazon keep delivering chocolate and marshmallows to me.

We know that most of the exercise kit you get from Amazon is crap and doesn’t work.

So…why haven’t we put two and two together …and realised ….JB has caused all these problems just to make a few more billion.

Please everyone, if I disappear – pass this blog on to the police.

Mike C

Well, that’s one less thing to worry about. December 2, 2020

Japanese knotweed is dead.

Well …it’s dead for the winter …only it isn’t really dead is it…?

You knew this though didn’t you…you were just fooling yourself into thinking that you could just put this on the back burner and worry about all things COVID related.

Your brain just wanted one thing less to worry about…?

But, dear reader …you SHOULD NOT be worrying about your invasive plant problems anyway …this is MY problem. I will sort everything for you.

No more sleepless nights, no more panic, no more lying to your wife – just ring Mike and he will take all the pain away.

0161 723 2000

Aaaaah and relax.


Mike C


NB – Hold on though – you still need to pay Mike.

Bloody hell, why can’t just one thing in life just be easy ????