MeToo February 27, 2019

As part of the MeToo movement and standing up for myself I recently told my wife to make her own cup of tea in the morning.

Anybody trying to contact me should note that I am now staying at my mothers.

Mike C

Police February 20, 2019

When I was young I was told to respect my elders.

I was also told to respect bank managers, teachers, anybody in the armed forces….and the police.

Now as I get older I still find myself with these built in pre-set responses when dealing with these people.

Yet I’m beginning to realise I need to re-assess my list.

Bank managers.

Sorry, sorry, sorry – but guys, you just don’t have the power anymore. It used to be that you could have a chat with your bank manager and he could pull a few strings and sort your finances out for you.
Not anymore – it needs to go to be signed off by somebody in ‘lending’ who knows nothing about me or my business – who simply looks at figures, does a quick calculation based on the industry I’m in – and then says no.


My dad was a teacher. Never had a day off sick, ever. That’s right you read that correctly he never had a day off sick. Holidays were meant for preparing for next years lessons or taking trips away with kids to show them the geographical features he talked about.
Teachers nowadays seem to have gone into the job… for… the holidays and disappear for weeks on end during summer enjoying every last minute doing nothing but chill out. The slightest cold they are off sick …and don’t start me on stress. If they can be off on full pay whilst saying they are ‘not coping well’ then they will be off for months on end.

Armed forces.

All nutters.


Hmmmm. I was recently stopped by the police for ‘having a car they wanted to have a look at…’
A few months ago I was stopped for my car being ‘noisy’ ….
If I stray a little above the speed limit in my car (…a car that’s capable of over 200mph) – blue lights miraculously appear.
If my car/house or office are broken into – NOTHING HAPPENS.

Sorry to all of the groups above but you no longer have my automatic respect.

Obviously Steve and Nigel – current bank managers – I don’t mean you guys …. 😉

Any police that are currently looking into my car being broken into – love you.

And any teachers that I know – obviously I’m NOT talking about you 😉

Mike C

Insured? …but are you….?? February 13, 2019

Following on from my previous blog about getting my car broken into.

About a year and a half ago I had a heart attack.

Serious stuff, near death experience and one that I don’t care to repeat if possible – I’ve put in a request to the big guy that I die in my sleep with a smile on my face and … (the rest of the details you can fill in for yourselves).

Whilst recovering it occurred to me that I had a ‘critical illness’ policy with Aviva – in fact, one of the things that kept me alive during this period was thinking ‘…hmmm should at least be a rich man if I can survive the next few weeks’.

Truth be told, if all had gone to plan, I would have been half a million quid better off – but it turned out Aviva had cancelled the policy… unbeknownst to me when I’d hit 55…


Last week, I had my car broken into. Let’s be clear here – I have several cars and I pay thousands of pounds a year in insurance. I’m not a ‘cheap’ guy – I don’t look for bargains and I don’t try and scrounge people out of a few quid…and for the record I’m a good tipper. I haven’t tried to get cheap car insurance – I go through a broker and I have stated that I want a quality product that covers all requirements.

First phone call to my insurers after the break in, they advised that my ‘belongings’ were covered to £2500 maximum and I had a £1000.00 excess to pay.

Value of goods stolen was about £10K.


Just saying – are you covered?

Might be worth checking before shit happens.

Mike C

Painful Knotweed Headaches? February 12, 2019

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F**kers… February 6, 2019

Soooo…had to go down to London this weekend, work thing on Monday with an early meeting. I chose the option of going down to the capital on Sunday thinking this would save me travel time, arriving late afternoon about 4.30.

I checked in and settled in for room service and emptying the mini bar.

Early the following morning I was awoken by the hotel ringing my room and telling me that my car had been broken into.

I jumped up, rushed downstairs (why was I rushing…? …not really sure it made any difference…) – to discover the Audi with broken side window.

The little bastards had broken the window then climbed in, gone through the rear seat and gained access to the boot.

All this I clocked in about three seconds – which was about the length of time it took me to think…??? Why hasn’t the goddamn alarm gone off….??

Now a few of you out there will know that with certain cars our wonderful insurance companies INSIST that you have a tracker fitted. Trackers aren’t cheap, it’s about a couple of grand up front then an annual fee to subscribe to the system.

For those of you that don’t know, this consists of a ‘unit’ hidden somewhere on the car and a ‘transponder’ that you must keep separate from the keys – but take with you every time you drive the vehicle. If you forget your transponder an alert is triggered and you get a phone call from the tracker company.

You then go through a series of passwords and the alert (if false) is stood down.

If it is a genuine alert – they can call the police and if necessary, disable your vehicle if it is being stolen.

All well and good you think – but what actually happens is you get false alarms ALL the time. You jump in your car and nip out for a paper – ALARM. You nip round to your mums – ALARM. You move your car on the drive – ALARM.


I rang the tracker company and discussed this with them and was advised – ‘…it appears the alarm has been jammed and…. switched off…’

So… what is the f’ing point of an alarm that can be switched off by some thieving bastard….ehh??? Tell me…????

Mike C