Owning a business. October 31, 2018

Have you ever wondered what’s it’s like to actually own a business.

Just you.

On your own.

Here is a short test you can do.

Breathe in and hold your breath….hold it ….hold it….hold it….hold it.

That’s the feeling when things are going well.

When you give in and start to breathe ….everything goes tits up.


Mike C.

New Rules October 24, 2018

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how the world has changed since I was a child. My mother used to instill various ‘mantras’ into me – things like… ‘breakfast most important meal of the day…’

I’ve lived by these little gems all my life – then I suddenly find out that … ‘breakfast, most important meal of the day’ was actually a marketing slogan dreamt up by ‘Kellogg’ the breakfast cereal manufacturer. Talk about ruining my childhood.

My wife came out with one this morning when she said – ‘have you noticed how mirror signal manoeuvre has become manoeuvre finger accelerate…’

How about modern versions of classic sayings?

‘Always open the door for a lady … – ‘how do I do this when we’re all ‘gender neutral’. …?

‘Manners cost nothing….’ – ‘well actually they do when learnt at a finishing school’

‘Do as I say, not as I do…’ – ‘well that one allows you free reign to do anything’

‘It’s not what’s on the outside that counts, but what’s on the inside’ – this can’t be true in Manchester – where Louis Vuitton, Gucci and Stone Island obviously count for everything …?

‘Always smile and others will smile back …’ – have you tried this in London – you’d get arrested.

‘Always eat your greens…’ – obviously replaced by…. ‘never eat anything but greens…’ – thanks to the vegan society for that one.

‘Manners maketh man ..’ again there are no ‘men’ anymore as we are all gender fluid …so that ones gone.

‘An apple a day keeps the doctor at bay’ – well…. we’ve now found out that apples contain more than your daily allowance of sugars – so that one’s defunct.

‘Don’t cry over spilt milk…’ – well duh… if you have a dairy allergy this can be pretty bad – so crying may help.

‘It’s nothing a good night’s sleep can’t fix…’ – again – well duh – who sleeps anymore ???

Anybody else got any???

Mike C

GDPR – bollox October 17, 2018

Whilst we all felt that General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) was a good idea.

Is it just me ….or …is all that has happened …is genuine business contacts have been lost ….and I’m getting more goddamn spam than ever before???

Anybody else finding this?

Mike C

Morons ahead. October 3, 2018

Trying to drive out of the petrol station yesterday I was trying to cut across the near lane and turn right. The traffic in the first lane was nose to tail even though they couldn’t go anywhere because the lights were on red. I gestured questioningly at the car that was blocking me ….and got a two fingered response.


Driving up the road (eventually) I came across stationary traffic caused by parked cars on both sides of the road. This involved two cars parked opposite each other. Empty road ahead, empty road behind but they had chosen to park opposite each other. In one of the cars an obese young woman sat eating her MacDonald’s sandwich whilst smoking a cigarette and drinking from a coke can. I gestured questioningly at her as I eventually passed her …and got a two fingered gesture in response.


On arriving at home, I couldn’t get on my drive because somebody had parked blocking my drive. I had to wait patiently until the lady driver stopped her conversation with her friend and moved her car. I looked questioningly at her and got a mouthed ‘fuck off’.


Drive on any motorway currently and you will find some idiot stuck in the outside lane doing 65mph and going nowhere – he just won’t budge. When you eventually get past him you will see he is clearly having a highly interesting telephone conversation, happily ignoring everything going on around him, including motorway driving regulations.


Have you been in an airport queuing to get through immigration when suddenly they change the barriers to let others though in front of you? These people are ‘late’ and are in danger of missing their flight. Get up earlier you lazy fuckers. Jeez.


Is it just me or is the world just turning out a bunch of selfish lazy people who don’t give a crap about anything but themselves….??

How’s about you think about somebody other than yourself you thoughtless bastards.

Thank you.

Mike C